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girlswearpink
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Name: Rebekah
Gender: Female
Interests: Photography, Music, going to concerts, not working, reading books, laughing uncontrolably, learning new things, working with kids cuz they're awesome, still acting like a kid sometimes, being alone, being with friends, Being active for Christ, being used by Christ, having my own revelation, getting advise from friend, taking pictures of my brother and his friends skate boarding, buying stuff (sadly i cannot do this anymore) being thought of, and being in God's will.
Expertise: being cool, and playing in sprinklers on a sunday afternoon
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  rawkthecrowd
Member Since:
5/31/2006
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| and these dashing hopes
of one day
being beautiful
but only in the worlds eyes
her father already
sees her beauty that
surpasses the invitation
of this life
that merits you
the title
"beautiful"
when will she see
the life that
goes beyond what
the eye beholds.
The shallow measurement
that only goes skin deep
...
her beauty goes further
than the television screen
than the television screen.
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| what is going on with me... im so happy right now. things are so different for me than they were a couple of months ago. this year so far has been great. my walk with God has strengthend and my band is going really well. I feel like im in God's will. I feel like im where im supposed to be doing what i am supposed to be doing... but lately, ive felt something i dont think i should be feeling. Old habits i killed are arousing in my mind again that i fight off... sometimes i dont like myself. sometimes i dont think im pretty. sometimes i wonder whats wrong with me and why no one likes me. why do i get the thought put in my mind that no one likes me. I think that everyone just thinks im this annoying girl who is just here to bother us. It doesnt do well for the mind. sometimes i feel over weight. sometimes i want to lose that weight like i did before. sometimes i just wish i was skinny like i used to be... why do i cry all the time? what is wrong with me!? why do i feel this way?? i know its satan tempting me because its God testing my faith and working on me as a child of God. And im not going to fail. Ive finally got my walk with God in a good spot and i need to only move forward from here. Someone once said "i either need to be Up or climbing higher" Thats what i want to do. I dont expect people to give me any comments on this blog. in fact, you dont need to. i just need to get my thoughts down and figure things out. if you do read this, please just pray for me. i dont feel like i can tell my family or my friends... | | |
| im just struggling with life. lots of things are going wrong right now and its all screwed up because of my stupidity. i keep failing in life...not with like "bad things" persay, but just doing stupid stuff that involve me not thinking and yet again, letting my parents down. They deserve so much more than im putting forth. i just keep failing them and failing them. I'm trying to act responsible when i do stupid stuff and think about the right thing to do. all i know is falling:::: | | |
| its getting hard. i have the people who want me to grow up, and the people who wont let me grow up. My friends tell me im immature and that i need to start acting like an adult and to, just you know, think before i speak, look before i leap, settle down, not be so outspoken. just not be an annoying child. My parents treat me like a child, therefore, i act like one. Since im a girl, im not allowed to leave the house(move out) until im married.. my problem: i dont think i ever will get married... Since i have this mentality, i've really been psycing myself up for missions to devote myself to that for my future. well, i got my first break!!! my church is having a missions trip to the dominican republic in July next year, and my mom told me about it. i got really excited and was all happy and ready for it!!! i got the paperwork information for it today and was telling my little brother that he needs to get his stuff done and my dad heard me talking... he says " you are NOT going on a missions trip outside of america!!" i am pretty much blown away. What parent forbids their child from going on a missions trip?? he says i could die if i go. That's what is called being surrendred to Christ. I am fully surrenderd to God and ready to die for his name in a second. but im not allowed to... Did my dad really ever give me fully over to God??? Why can all these other girls go do these awesome things, like go away for college or go on a missions trip and be used for God's kingdom?? i know, i know...you can be a missionary anywhere becky...its what ive been told for all of my life. but there are people all over the world dieing and going to hell without the word. I WANT TO GET IT TO THEM!!!! but im not allowed to go... | | |
| I know my title sounds really self absorbed, but when you think about it, with the point of view i am coming from with this entry, it's not. Your personality...is YOUR personality. It is no one elses to boss around or to tell you to change. It is who you are on the inside and what you truely are as a person. I just so happen to be kind of loud most of the time, sometimes out spoken, to sum it up, im an outgoing girl. But i have control over myself. I'm not "stop talkingabout yourself NOW so i can say something about me!!" type of girl. Yes, i have things i want to say or need to talk about, but i'll never stop you from talking to hear about me. I was recently told that i need to mature. I am 19, and yes, i should be a a certain stage with my maturity by now, but i'm not a 26 year old. I'm still somewhat of a kid and i dont have the desire to take everything put in front of me so seriously and never joke around or be "dumb". I want to have fun and live each day to the fullest, not caring what people do or say or think about me. This just totally blew me away because i was not expecting this. It came from my best friend ever and she wants me to change. Now...amd i going to???... Heck NO!!! I will not change for people. I do not live to make other people happy. I live to make God happy, he made me this way, i wont change for them. If they wont accept me for what i am and who i am...then im not going to hang out with them. Just recently getting out of a very bad relationship, i was kept in a box for over a year. My personality shrunk into nothing. I was not myself for a year to make some jerk happy. Now that i'm finally free of him and get to finally be myselft, i find out taht i annoy people... dont care... i like who i am, i like who i once lost and have now regained. if y ou dont like me, go away...
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